Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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