I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
