Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
