i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
