Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
