I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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