His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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