i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
