I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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