I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
