U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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