I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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