ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
