Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
