I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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