Do you still have your period?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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