sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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