I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize