My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
