this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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