pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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