Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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