oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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