Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
