Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
