At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize