ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
