Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
