im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
