Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
