You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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