I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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