did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
