Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
