and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize