Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
