He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
