and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize