i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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