So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
