i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
two words: eviction party
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
