I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
