Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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