he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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