So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
