I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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