ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
