I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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