Ambien. No doubt about it.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
