Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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