i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
