He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
