I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The air was thick with penises
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
