This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
