Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im part way to drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
