a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
