I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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