Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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