Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
