Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We just shotgunned beers for America
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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