Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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