I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
