woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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