You're my little dorito
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
