We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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