NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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