Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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