32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
