WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
