my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize